Life's tough. It's tougher when you're a college student. (Off-Topic)

by Quirel, Saturday, June 20, 2015, 03:52 (3451 days ago) @ car15

Directions for the "I'm hungry but the pantries are bare and I'm too tired to walk to the corner shop" dinner:

Ingredients:

• 1 package of ramen noodles
  
• 1 package of Shake 'n Bake bread crumbs
  
• 1 package of Cajun-Style Instant Mashed Potatoes
  
• ~10 grams of chopped walnuts from the icecream party two weeks ago
  
• ~200 grams of paraffin wax, confirmed to be edible by a quick Google search

Heat paraffin in saucepan until it starts to melt. Pay. Close. Attention. To what you're doing. Paraffin will catch fire and burn if you aren't careful with it, and it'll turn brown and taste nasty long before it does that. In fact, as soon as it starts getting soft, you'll want to take your mixture of crushed ramen noodles, Shake 'n Bake, and instant mashed potatoes, pour it on the paraffin, and start mashing it all together. If you didn't have the foresight to prepare the dry ingredients first, mix the mashed potatoes in first. This should give you a greasy sort of caked powder, like wet pie crust.

Once the mixture is complete, scrape it out of the saucepan and into some sort of container. Small bread tins work best, but tupperware will do in a pinch. Dunk the saucepan in the sink and press the walnuts into the ramen/S'nB/potato mix before it can cool.

Really, the paraffin is more of a binder rather than an actual ingredient. If you envisioned sautéing the ramen like Rice Pilaf, that dream is going out the window the moment you remember how much more volatile paraffin is compared to butter. You'll quickly settle for a sort of vegan granola bar.

If you have stool softeners, take three as an after-dinner mint.