I realize no one on here probably gives a rats ass what I think about Destiny, especially considering basically everyone else has already weighed in with their mini or extensive review of the game. But for me, I feel like I need to get this off my chest even if nobody else reads it or cares, and this is why (an explanation for you, potentially non-existent reader).

I imagine that most of you on this forum are probably a lot like me; we've been waiting a very long time for the game and were extremely excited when the game was revealed what seems like an eternity ago. I know when those first concept shots and vidocs came out, I could not have been any more pumped. In fact, I hadn't been so excited about a game since the original Macworld Halo trailer left me in awe and in total certainty that Halo was going to be one of the best games ever made.

Many, many months were spent absorbing every bit of news about the game that I could find, and I was completely invested in the idea that Bungie, now free from their corporate overlords, were going to take the video game world by storm with their first free-entity entry. It's true that Halo was a pretty good series, but honestly by the end it was getting stale (though I give them a lot of credit for mixing things up with ODST and Reach, considering they were contractually obligated to produce a certain number of Halo games). In my mind, this was their chance to re-establish themselves as one of, if not the premiere video game developer, who was capable of producing something that endured far beyond its heyday, a game akin to the Marathons and Myths, whose worlds still possess the power to captivate me, archaic technology be damned.

Flowery words and lofty expectations to be sure, but I had a lot of faith in Bungie.

Because I've expended so much emotional and mental energy on the game, not just in playing it these last few days but in the build up to the release as well, I feel the need to take a load off, so to speak, and unburden myself.

As I said before, after the game was unveiled and those first two vidocs hit the web, I was on cloud 9. The game looked and sounded incredible, and was hitting all the notes that I love about Bungie games; a game world full of mystery and dripping with atmosphere, gorgeous graphics, clever twists on existing genre staples, fantastic music and maybe a touch of the melodramatic. I was all in.

But something changed in the intermittent months. I can actually pinpoint the precise moment when something in my gut first said "uh oh", but perhaps I'll delve into that at another time. As we crept closer and closer, more and more of these mental alarms started to pile up. One or two of them I certainly would have brushed off as the simple anxiety of anticipation, but one or two became a few more, and by the time launch was drawing near my mind was weighed down by a laundry list of things that gave me pause. Frankly, leading up to September 9th I was not excited at all anymore. I wasn't angry or worried either, I was something even worse; I was indifferent.

I suppose it would help to illustrate an example of the kind of thing I'm talking about, these items on a laundry list. I'll choose an obvious and in light of how things have actually turned out, I imagine to be fairly uncontroversial one. I'm going with the now infamous "That wizard came from the moon" gem. As I was viewing the discussion that swirled around that line at the time, it seemed as if most were willing to write it off as a simple slip up, that it was either going to be re-recorded, removed, or maybe kept as a sort of joke, the kind where something is so bad and campy that you have to laugh. They even made a T-shirt out of it and it became somewhat of a meme. For me however the problem wasn't even necessarily a bad line of dialogue (every game is going to have a couple) it was the striking lack of either self awareness or judgement, or perhaps both that worried me. How that line could ever have seen the light of day in a video designed to promote the game, I'm not sure, but someone in a position of authority, a decision maker, or perhaps many different people, had given it the go ahead.

Little things like that had begun to add up, and eventually I couldn't shake the feeling that this wasn't going to go as well as I had hoped.

On launch day, I had convinced myself that even if the game wasn't the world beating, genre defying tour de force I had hoped, the worst it could possibly be was a good triple A title, and at the end of the day that's not such a bad thing. I hope for more from Bungie but maybe they had evolved so far from where they originally were that good triple A developer is what they've become.

I actually bought the console/game combo PS4 package, because up until Destiny's release I hadn't really seen a reason to go next gen. As I was walking up to the store, my gut feeling was telling me not to do it. But it was too late, I was too invested at this point to not buy the game (and by god if I was going to buy it I was going to do it right, next gen graphics and all). I dutifully ponied up the 500 dollars it would take to see the game in action, but I didn't feel good about it (and not just because the thought of giving Activision any money makes me slightly ill). The feeling persisted as I headed home, but once I had my shiny new console set up I was feeling a lot better about it. After all, the worst it could possibly be is a good triple A game right?

And here we are today, five days from launch. My first couple of hours with the game consisted of a sinking feeling in my gut progressively getting worse as I realized maybe good triple A game wasn't the worst it could do. I'm not sure that feeling went away all the way up to when I finished the Black Garden an hour or so ago.

Judging from my tone thus far you would be able to surmise that I have not been terribly impressed with the game, and you'd be right, but I want to be clear that the game definitely has its virtues. It's not a total clusterfuck the same way Aliens: Colonial Marines was. Even I think that the 6/10's its received from the major review sites are probably a little too harsh, and I've had a lot of critical things to say about it.

I haven't yet decided how deeply I am going to analyze everything to do with the game at this point. I know I have a ton of stuff to say about it, but I suspect I'll have a fairly abridged version that nails down what I think are the key points (and maybe some thoughts about what I perceive to be Activision's corrupting influence and monetization schemes in action).

I am curious to know what the mood is like around Bungie HQ right now. Are they triumphant because of how many units sold? Are they worried because of the critical panning and low user ratings? Are they frustrated because they feel like it didn't live up to its potential? Are they contemptuous because they feel the low scores and criticism are undeserved? One thing I feel really confident about is that at least some of the people there aren't feeling so great about things right now. They've been a long, long time working on the game and having something you've created roundly criticized and at times outright ripped to shreds isn't a good feeling. I've been studying to be a journalist, and having your work publicly critiqued can make you feel very small, so I can only imagine what it would be like to have something you've worked so hard and for so long on be received so poorly. And yet we are not above criticism, it comes with the territory, an unfortunate reality of working in a creative industry.

All this is not just about the money, I can certainly return the game if I want to (going to keep the console though, because sooner or later someones going to release something worthwhile for it). It's not just about the time either (about 20 hours if estimates are correct). What it is about, if I can borrow a buzz word surrounding the game, is the investment. I was very invested in this game, so to achieve some sense of catharsis I feel like I need to get my thoughts out there, and who knows maybe some of you feel the same way.

If you feel differently from me and you like the game just the way it is, then I guess you're in a better position than I (because who wouldn't want to really enjoy something they just purchased for fun?) but even still I think it would be hard to ignore what appears to be the popular opinion or at least admit that it is very unusual for such a high profile game to appear to be received so poorly on the whole. I say this because I think its in everyone's best interest to see Bungie take action to improve upon the foundation that they've built, because this thing aint gonna last 10 years unless people are willing to keep ponying up the money, and we all prefer a reality where everyone is happily playing a game they love, rather than lamenting one they don't.

If you're still reading this, god bless you because you have a longer attention span than I do, and if no one is still reading this, I guess I've been talking out loud to myself and that's not always a bad thing.